Wee Bit of the Irish Humor

My mother wanted me to be a priest.
Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?

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Finnegin:
My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.
Keenan:
What on earth is she doin ' at that time?
Finnegin:
Waitin' for me to come home.

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Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners:
"The drink has killed millions—it rots their stomachs and they die in agony. Smoking has killed millions—it coats your lungs and you die in agony. Overeating and consorting with loose women have also killed millions.."

" 'Scuse me, Father," hollered Reagan from the back, "but what is it that kills the people who live right?"